Cumbersome

Conditions: Fiddly. And warm.

Big news at Jones central: I've been surprised by a new computer! Well, the surprise was yesterday, but thanks to the couriers the computer has only arrived today, at midday. Well it's the thought that counts. Rantings to follow:

12:15 - Oooh, it's black. A sexy, dangerous kind of black. The kind of black that seeps around the edges of black holes...

12:20 - What, am I supposed to break the foot off the bottom of the monitor before it rotates into position? Sodding computers. Oh how I hate them.

12:32 - Why have they given me a USB mouse when there's a perfectly good mouse plug next to the keyboard plug? Now i have to use one of my USB ports for the blasted mouse. Idiots.

12:47 - Why is it that the orientation of the computer is dictated by the orientation of the speakers? What if I wanted the computer to sit under the left hand speaker? The power cord won't stretch far enough. Now I have to reverse the speakers. The people who sit around all day in an office thinking this stuff up need to open their windows.

13:01 - So XP Professional (natch) needs it's 25 chara product key. That's on the Certificate of Authority. The Certificate of Authority has no sticker, but a card saying the label has been removed and stuck to the PC. The bottom of the PC. So after setting it up I now have to lay on the floor like a dog, or a Microsoft programmer, and write the 25 charas onto a piece of paper. How thoughtful. Thank you, retailer. And the B's look like 8's.


13:20 - The trust relationship between this workstation and the primary domain failed, huh? Screw this. I'm going to lunch.


15:30 - Ok. No idea how to fix the trust relationship. where has the trust gone? Anyway, logging in as Administrator works, and the computer can see the network. So without further ado, we can start copying over important files and directories. Well, perhaps some ado. Are there any new games? Why can't I get the screen to 'squish?' Need. More. Contrast. Ugh, this colour scheme has to go.

Ahhh, the copying percent screen. How I've missed you.



Movie Review: Children of Men

If you're looking for gritty drama, with lots of explosions, then this is the film for you. Starring Clive Owen (and others, but mostly Clive) and directed by Alfonso Cuarón (Harry Potter?), this film is about an awful future where society is breaking down due to no new babies being born for over 18 years. It's a little bit Casablanca, a little bit Saving Private Ryan, and it's set in Britain, so it's mostly depressing. Very impressive camera work, almost to the extant of being distracting due to how difficult it must have been. Overall, a very intense and emotive film. Four out of Five foetuses.


End transmission.

Back of my neck...

Conditions: Desert-like hotness.

There's nothing like a change of environment to gain a new perspective on things. For the last few days I've been away from the office, free of the sodding computer and the reams of reference material that has terrorised me so, and instead have been putting in some hard labour on a building site. My muscles ache, my skin is a little warm ('You're welcome, mon.'), and I'm quite sore. So sitting back here at my post, confronted yet again by the infuriating puzzles work has lead me to today doesn't seem quite so bad. I can deal with this.

The differences are quite striking, though. On a site you have the immediate satisfaction of a job done, and the appreciation of effort it took to do it. Here, hardly anything is done quickly, and when it is done, there's no visible sign of it. There, you have a constant team dynamic, always working with others. Here, it's an unending solo campaign. And there's the satisfaction thing, so absent from technical work.

If technical work had a teamwork component to it, I think the things we do would be done quicker, would work better, and we'd all appreciate making it a lot more.

Well, at least I have the internet. Happy thanksgiving, suckers.

Cold Weekends

Conditions: Fine, now...

This really aggrivates me. We work all week under a cloudless, blue sky. The warm weather makes typing on ye not-olde keyboard sticky work. We eagerly anticipate the oncoming weekend, and when it finally arrives? The weather turns to shit. Yes, three days of sitting angrily on the couch, staring out all squinty-eyed at the drizzly coldness that was the weekend weather. Cold winds, with sudden rain that would appear and then scuttle off, like a cat with a mouse, or a mugger who really enjoys his job. 'Gimme your wallet or I'll thump ya!' he'd say. 'Here it is, don't hurt me' you'd say. He hits you in the eye. 'Ow', you say, 'Why'd you do that?' 'Now gimme your watch. Or I'll thump ya.' he says. Yes, verily, the weather is like this.

I don't like being teased, and the weather is acting like the biggest tease since Ronald McDonald. (Seriously has this supposed 'clown' ever done a trick in his life? The man fronts a corporation, for pity's sake. I bet he can't even juggle. He does not qualify for the position 'clown'.) All week it's 'Alright, how y'all doin' down there? Here's some heat to make everything groovy.' (Yes, in my universe the Sun is Jamaican.) Then when we get to the weekend, and we're all ready to finally put the heat to good use, it's gone. Probably off in the tropics somewhere, ladling it out to fat undeserving executives spawling on a beach, earning twenty percent. Then as we trudge back to the salt mines to load another 16 tons, the bloody sun shows up again, all 'How's it all goin? 'Whaddid I miss?' Bastard. I hope you get a spot.

This is why I want global warming to occur. This is why I like V8's and 747's. This is why we should spend our free time standing outside shooting off aerosol cans. And blowing up refrigerators. Sure, there'll be droughts and flooding, but at least we'll be bloody warm on the weekends.


Car update.

Car's running great. Full of junk mail, and the tyres need pumping up.


Film review: The Departed

A few years ago, Martin Scorsese desperately wanted to win an Oscar. He made a few films full of dark cinematic oscar bait, trying to punch all the right Oscar buttons. But it didn't work. Now Martin has responded with a spirited middle finger salute and a return to glorious fun with his latest thriller: The Departed.

This film was originally an Asian film call 'Infernal Affairs', and was very good but annoyingly in a language other than English. Also, shockingly, none of the actors were famous Hollywood celebrities. Martin has corrected these oversights by hiring pretty much every Hollywood actor you can think of who could possibly be Irish (Matt Damon), and some who could not (Jack Nicholson). The result is an engaging cops & robbers, double-triple cross thriller, following Infernal Affairs move for move, but a bit more violently, and with no need for subtitles. It's refreshing to see a bunch of good actors really put their collective teeth into their roles and crank out a good story, for there is much story here to bite into. Fortunately I had forgotten the ending, so I give it 4 out of 5 bullets to the head.




End transmission.

Send off.

Conditions: Hot.

Really good op-ed here about the hole America and Britain have dug for themselves in Iraq. Read the whole thing, but I though these passages were particularly powerful:

As Blair's emissary, Sir Nigel Sheinwald, comes to me cap in hand, I would pour him tea and roar with laughter. I would ask him to repeat to my face the insults and bile his American taskmasters hurl at me daily. I would say with Shylock: "Hath a dog money? Is it possible a cur can lend three thousand ducats? Fair Sir, you spat on me Wednesday last; you spurned me such a day; you called me dog; and for these courtesies I'll lend you thus much moneys?"
[...]

To talk of a collapse into civil war if "we leave" Iraq is to completely misread the chaos into which that country has descended under our rule. It implies a model of order wholly absent on the ground. Foreign soldiers can stay in their bases, but they will no more "prevent civil war" than they can "import democracy". They are relevant only as target practice for insurgents and recruiting sergeants for al-Qaida. The occupation of Iraq has passed from brutality to mere idiocy.

Essentially, Tehran can afford to sit and watch while the Axis of Good sinks into it's own cesspool, and at some point America will have to humble itself if it's to have any chance of getting out of the mess. Meanwhile, on the ground, any chance Iraq had of keeping itself together is now lost.


John Conner? John Conner to the white courtesy phone.

Just in time for X-mas, you can now get a sentry gun of your very own. It will track and shoot humans if they're stupid enough to ...walk in front of it, I suppose. Not surprisingly, it's demonstrated here by some American kids. Needless to say, terrible terrible idea. Why can't these kinds of things kill their inventors during the development stage?


Weekend Ahoy!

Special treat this weekend as we have three days off! I wasn't told until yesterday, always the best way to find out. The best kind of 3day weekend is when you have the Monday off, as it's been Scientifically proven Monday mornings at work damage your soul. But I'll take what I can get.


Rummyfunny

Clip from The Late Late Show poking some final fun at Rumsfeld. I laughed, I cried, I waved my fist. Farewell, Rummy.


End transmission.

Oil! Hoo-ah! What is it good for?

Conditions: Hot. damn hot. Real hot.


I had to laugh last night while watching Fox News. Don't panic, I only watch it to laugh and get angry. And last night it was about the laughs. With the Democrats taking over the house and the senate, Fox News has appointed itself the 'What went wrong?' channel, and every story, every interview is focused on how the people just don't get it, the war is complicated, and most importantly; the democrats are evil and everything is going to go to hell.


The main topic is of course Iraq, and the fear now is that the Democrats are going to cut and run. This is a technical term for getting troops out of Iraq. It's used to incite disdain for the cowardly democrats who don't have the cojones to fight a war (amusing if you follow American history, which I try not to.) The fun of it is that before the elections the republicans were openly talking about withdrawing troops from Iraq. The difference (according to them) is that while the republicans wanted a gradual, phased withdrawal, the democrats will instead support a policy known as 'Retreat!!' where everyone not Iraqi drops what they're doing and run for the departing helicopters.


This is of course nonsense, disproved by the latest versions of Time and Newsweek magazine, where articles are drawn up explaining what the (democratic) plans would likely be - a phased withdrawal. But the truth matters not to Fox News, only spin. And now that the American people were misguided enough to traitorously vote in the eeevil democrats, the people must be chided. And of course the new democrats must be taken down a peg or twelve as fast as possible.


Anyway, on one of the multi-person 'debates' they had last night the subject turned to, of course, oil. And how important it is to America, and how big a political deal it is. And one of the pundits turns to the camera and says, in all seriousness: "We need to stop buying oil from countries that hate us."


Oh how I laughed. Laughed till my sides hurt. Laughed till I saw red. Laughed and laughed. Only buy oil from countries that like America? So, what, restrict purchases only to Alaska and certain parts of the future Antartic drilling fields? I guess everyone in America will be walking to work by, oh, next Tuesday. Seriously, how deluded are these people? Do they seriously think the nations of the Middle East and Europe have a high regard for America? That they secretly think those guys are aces? Do they not see the images on the television screens, or read the words in the newspapers? How deluded, how sheltered would a person have to be to say something like that, especially a newscaster? Look, if the goal was to ensure of a steady supply of oil by sucking up to the countries that have it, then holy crap have the Bush Administration screwed the pooch. That ship hath sailed. The only way America can influence the oil providers now is through incentives and intimidation. Which is what they do best.



Death toll.

Why aren't people more angry about the death toll in Iraq? A recent Lancet Journal (respected British medical journal) study estimated around 655,000 Iraqis have died since the war. Since the war was unjustified, unauthorised, and ultimately a failure, you'd think people would be upset that Six Hundred and Fifty Five Thousand Iraqis have died for those mistakes. No one seems to talk about it, it's not on the news channels, nor the papers, and no one's dropped 655,000 Iraqi flags on the whitehouse lawn (yes, Dick Cheney would likely shoot them, but that's not the point). Yes, around 3000 Americans have died, and that's sad, but they shouldn't have been there in the first place, and they did sign up to fight. What did the Iraqis do? I dunno, maybe there's something to this idea that people are all raged out. I'm feeling a little tired myself.



Peace out.

Can you feel it in the air tonight, oh lord?

Conditions: Brisk

There's something a little bit different about the world today. You could feel it when you woke up this morning. It's as if we've finally found a signpost that's telling us how much farther there is to go. The future unrolls towards us now like a black highway at night. I face it for the first time with some hope. Ahem.

Yes, the American elections that people said the Democrats couldn't lose have been won, by the Democrats. Finally the leaders of the free world have realised the people are pissed off. Or should I say finally the people awoke from their comas and did something about the shit we're in.

I think the new democratic senators taking control may well pause in the champagne-popping when they consider just what it is they're now in control of. The economy is a mess, the deficit is enormous, unemployment is still high, and Iraq is still, well, Iraq. And they've still got the cranky President to deal with. Everyone with a voice is now hollering for the troops to come home from Iraq, but personally I don't see how that's actually going to help Iraq. All it is is an opportunity to preseve American soldiers, while blaming the resultant Iraqi civil war on the outgoing Republicans.

But there's a sense of some intelligence and compassion returning to American politics, though probably based on sentiments now 12 years out of date. In fact these New Democrats may well prove to be very Republican-like in their thinking, sticking to the centrist promises they made in order to get voted in in the first place.

But I like the shock this has issued to Commander Bush. Rumsfeld himself has quit his post as of this morning, and I for one certainly won't miss that particular war-mongering bastard. His replacement is another crony from Bush's extended circle, a former head of the CIA who was involved in the Iran-contra scandal. So the more things change...

But perhaps this is the final toll for Bush's legacy of unlimited power and authority. He'll try and brush it off, call for bi-partisanship, aw-shucks, can't-we-all-just-get-along?, but I hope it's going to stick like glue. The people have had enough, and it's all coming to an end. I hope.

The threat of Xmas.

Conditions: Muggy.

This is the the most feared time of year. It is the time where malls start putting up the Xmas decorations. The green leafy things spreading like a cancer across the roofs and support columns. And the bunting. And the teeny tiny bells. Oh Cthulhu, the bells. It struck me like a thunderbolt during an amble through the local mall. I stopped in my tracks, rooted to the spot as the realisation fell upon me: The terror of Xmas is upon us! We must flee!

I hate Xmas. Hate hate hate, hate, hate hate. Hate! Hate it for all it's stupid mindless greedy corporate bullshit. Hate it for it's transparent feel-good fake-ness. Hate it for it's 'aw shucks' manufactured down-hominess. Hate it for the hypocrisy the other 364 days of the year are. Peace on earth, goodwill to all man? Don't make me kill you on Xmas.

And it isn't enough that it exists, oh no. It also has to shove itself in my face every chance it gets. Watching television. Reading newspapers. Going to a store. Getting the fracking mail from the mailbox. It's like some insane tune the whole world is singing, that you can't get out of your head. Xmas again, already, some more. It's times like this I wish I had completed my doomsday device.


Guy Fawkes

Speaking of doomsday, our fair city celebrated Guy Fawkes in the only way appropriate recently, by purchasing cheap explosives from KMart and detonating them in our backyards. This I do not understand. Why are we celebrating a terrorist? And since we are doing so, why aren't the explosives at least industrial strength? And perhaps attached to the nearest govermental building?

Just what is the point of Guy Fawkes's holiday, apart from giving the Fire Department something to do? Do politicians fear this holiday? Do they love the fact that instead of blowing them up, citizens are content to just scare their pets and go 'ooooh' at the bright lights?


Film Review: Flags of our Fathers.

Well, Clint Eastwood still knows how to shoot a damn fine movie. The problem is simply one of timing. Not in the movie, of the movie. Because this is simply a lesson we already know. War is bad, propoganda is lies, people are suckers. Thanks Clint, but we really needed this one about four years ago.

Furthermore, again there's a reference to how the soldiers of World War 2 never talked, or wanted to talk, about war and what they had to do during it. While that may have seemed noble a while ago, I'm beginning to think that perhaps the old soldiers should have talked up a storm about how terrible and inhuman and soul-destroying war is. Because there's a great number of adults walking around today who simply don't know, and perhaps they would have known if the old soldiers had clued them in when they came home. It's a lesson sentient beings shouldn't have to re-learn.


Peace out.

Massive Hypocrisy

Conditions : Warm.


I feel the need to speak about the latest brain-wave from our government: forcing Tobacco companies to put the most graphic, disgusting photos of effects of smoking on toes, teech, hearts, lungs and so forth right on the cigarette packets. Although I don't smoke, and think it's certainly A Bad Thing, this is truly a monumental example of the hyprocrasy of these idiots.


One: First and foremost, if these products really do cause these hidous effects (and it seems they do) then why is it okay for shops to be selling them to people anyway? Do you see little packets full of Asbestos or jars full of Weaponised Anthrax at the local supermarket? No you do not. And do you know WHY the supermarkets can't sell these things? Because they're dangerous and illegal. So since smoking causes your toes to rot off, your veins to get stuffed full of black ooze, and your teeth to turn green and die, why in the hell are they continuing to allow this shit to be sold to the public? If it's really that bad that we now have to have these pictures plastered onto the packets (over like 20% of the front cover, and 90% of the rear) to try and scare people off of the habit, surely by any definition of the word 'moral' we should outlaw the damn things?

Two: It won't work. For as long as I can remember (a week from Tuesday) we've been told again and again how bad cigarettes are for us, and what precisely they are doing to us. It's in the magazines, in the newspapers, even in television adverts. You honestly think putting these same old images on the packets themselves is going to make any difference?

People don't smoke because they're ignorant to what cigarettes do to them. They smoke because they're addicted to them. The fact that they ignore what cigarettes do is a testament to that addiction!

Three: Since I've never seen cigarettes on a retailer's shelf, I don't think plastering the packets with photos is going to stop them being sold anyway. They only way potential shoppers can see the photos is if they put money on the counter and get the assistant to open the cabinet up and fetch a packet. And I highly doubt that after that point they're going to change their mind just because of the artwork. And then what? Who looks at a packet of cigarettes as they're extracting one? They're too busy fumbling for a lighter with the other hand.

Either the government really wants to do something about this or they don't. Either they want to take a stand against a dangerous substance, or they just want to be seen to be doing something. This half-hearted candy-assed lilly-livered bullshit is simply a waste of time and (our) money.




Peace out.