The way it goes

Conditions: Hot.

Our week begins with news that legendary film director James 'King of the World' Cameron is going to try and dethrone Jesus. Really. Chud.com reports:

27 years ago, Israeli construction workers found an ancient tomb. Inside were sarcophagi; a decade later the names on the coffin were deciphered, and they were Jesua, son of Joseph, Mary, Mary, Mathew, Jofa and Judah, son of Jesua. Common enough names for the region and the time, but Cameron, producing a documentary directed by Simcha Jacobovici, believes to have proof that the Jesua (read: Jesus) in the tomb is none other than the Son of God, who supposedly died on the cross… and who didn’t live to sire a son with Mary Magdalene.

He (Jim, not God) intends to have a press conference today. So stay tuned. And while staying tuned, check out this Christ/Terminator parody here.


Top Clip

Top Gear is fast becoming something that threatens the fabric of space and time. A recent episode featured the fire-breathing monster that is the Bugatti Veyron, a car faster than a plane, and they decide to unleash it's full fury, with May behind the wheel. The clip is here. The music they're using works so much better, it should be torn from the film it came from.


TOP 20 MANLIEST MOVIES

Yes, it's cheese, but it's fun cheese. The folks at shiznit rate the classics. Disagree at will.

http://www.theshiznit.co.uk/review.php?id=205



Oscars.

It's that special time of the year. It's that time when we remember all the cool films from years ago, and wonder why they don't make them any more. I used to watch the Oscars. I used to enjoy the Oscars. Those days have passed, I can't even care enough about Martin Scorsese finally getting an Oscar. Let's read about the Razzies instead:

LOS ANGELES, California (CNN) -- In the end, Sharon Stone baring her body outdid Nicolas Cage in a bear suit.

"Basic Instinct 2," the bomb sequel to 1992's "Basic Instinct," defeated tough competition on Saturday night to win the Razzie Award as the worst picture of 2006. The competitors included Cage's critically slammed remake of "The Wicker Man," in which the once Oscar-winning actor wears a bear suit at a moment of high drama.
[...]

Longtime Razzie mainstay Sylvester Stallone, who has a lifetime 30 Razzie nominations and 10 wins, missed out on nominations this year because his latest film, "Rocky Balboa," "didn't always suck," said Wilson.

To make up for that gap, the awards were co-dedicated to the star of "Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot," "Judge Dredd" and "Cobra."

The Razzie show led off with a parody of "Dreamgirls" featuring a trio of men in drag (the "Bad Dreams") and continued in that impish spirit.

That seems like much more fun.



Car update

The damned thing is overheating again! Remind me to punch a mechanic the next time I see one. Even a technician would do, I'm not picky.



Film Review: The Fountain.

I'm pretty sure this is a dream movie. You know, where a character wakes up at the end and says 'oh, it was all a dream'. Except they don't. And they're actually in the middle. And a tree flies through space.

The Fountain, I guess, is about time. And love. And space-traveling trees. Essentially it's about the relationship between two people across time. As olde world queen and conquistador, modern husband and wife, and yoga-type guy and space-traveling tree. Everything's jumbled up of course, so we zap back and forth between the three, slowly drawing the strings of it all together. It's weird, dark, sad and very fundamental. In a space-tree sort of way.

Rachel Wiez is used mostly as a prop, a sad dying-of-cancer-but-still-fiesty prop. but Hugh Jackman acts the hell out of his role as an obsessed explorer/scientist/spaceman, and deserves props for making that work. Go see it, or don't. Three slices of bark out of five.



End transmission.