Godly Engineers

Conditions: Crystalline

Humans are Idiots.

Modern cars come with a range of electronic gadgets. Some of these gadgets are concerned with helping the driver not crash the car into certain things. Some people think that that means their modern car won’t crash into someone if you drive at them. Witness.

Last week, a gossip blog based in the Dominican Republic called Remolacha published a disturbing video of what it said was a “self-parking car accident.” A group of people stand in a garage watching and filming a grey Volvo XC60 that backs up, stops, and then accelerates toward the group. It smashes into two people, and causes the person filming the video with his phone to drop it and run. It is terrifying.

[...]

The main issue, said Larsson, is that it appears that the people who bought this Volvo did not pay for the “Pedestrian detection functionality,” which is a feature that costs more money.

“The Volvo XC60 comes with City Safety as a standard feature however this does not include the Pedestrian detection functionality,” said Larsson.

- fusion.net/story/

It’s frustrating, and sadly entirely predictable. People apparently seem to think if there’s a gadget in the front of their car that’s got something to do with avoiding bad things, then the car is like K.I.T.T and will basically drive itself. In the video the guy who stands in front of the car literally just stands there, hands in pocket, as this giant Volvo accelerates straight at him. He doesn’t even flinch. That people in this modern age can have that much (misplaced) confidence in these gadgets surprises the hell out of me. I used to think driverless cars wouldn’t happen because most people wouldn’t be stupid enough to get in one. I don’t think that’s true anymore. Chalk another one up to skynet.




Film Review: Avengers: Age of Ultron

Well, here we are. The culmination of all the Marvel movies since the last Avengers film wastes no time with introductions but throws us right into the action of superheroes doing their thing. Eventually the dust clears long enough for us to watch on as Tony and Bruce decide to try and build an AI operating system out of some alien tech Thor is going to take back to Asgard. Yes the geek factor is high with this one. Anyway, as with most things involving AI it goes horribly wrong as Ultron gains consciousness, builds himself a body, escapes and launches an ambitious plan to wipe out the human race by lifting up a city and dropping it back onto the planet.

In the meantime the Avengers bicker and flirt with each other with their usual stylish Whedonesque charm. The action sequences are very stylish and mostly character driven, and we get some extensive character development from some of the regular players, which results in consequences lasting beyond the credits. All this is pretty good. I guess the biggest problem I have with this thing really is the two new characters added to the roster. Quicksilver, a bit like the Flash, and Scarlet Witch, who can wave her hands around and make things happen. There’s no real explanation of how they’re able to do the things they do, and frankly it all seems like a bit of nonsense to me.

I mean, I get it. Comic book geeks love these characters and embrace them fully, but to me while the likes of Iron Man, Hulk, even Thor are characters who both have had movie(s) to explain who they are and how they are, and also make a certain amount of sense (roughly), these new guys are just dumped into the film as is. Magic girl and fast dude. Huh. Then we move to Ultron. I get why he’s an angry, eloquent, homicidal robot who wants to take out all humans. What I don’t get is: why does he have lips? All the grand speeches, crazy plans and monologues, and all I could think was: are they some kind of flexible metal? Plastic maybe? What for – in case he also wants deaf people to understand his philosophical musings? And I think I saw some teeth in there too, which I don’t even want to think about really. Eventually we move to the Big Final Action sequence, which is suitably large scale and heroic, and involves a lot of bad guys for the Avengers to punch and shoot. So the MCU has reached its second mountain top, and that’s great. But given the fact that a lot more fantastical Marvel characters are lining up for their shot, and a number of the old guard seem to be retiring, I feel like superhero fatigue is finally setting in. Four punched robots out of five.



Film Review: It Follows

It’s billed as a horror movie, but it so isn’t. Set in some interminable 80’s-ish middle America, a young girl loses her virginity in the back of a dude’s car. She wakes up strapped to a wheelchair, with the dude explaining that she now has some kind of crazy curse on her. A thing will now chase after her at walking speed, and if it touches you you die. Only the infected can see it. It can look like anyone. All you can do is keep moving, and pass the curse on by sleeping with someone else.

Obviously, there’s metaphors going on here, particularly as the girl then returns to her friends and tries to deal with this thing chasing her. Various scenarios and twists and turns ensure as the teens try to run from this thing, dodge it, and then eventually confront it.

The structure of this thing is similar to a special episode of Supernatural. In fact, I kept expecting Sam and Dean to roll up at any point in the second act. But while the idea is scary, the way it’s presented takes a lot of the thrill out of it. Basically, it’s an odd duck of a film, full of long pans and quiet shots, literally soaking up the atmosphere of every location visited. The music does it’s part to make this a very immersive and enriched film, but with a somewhat unsatisfying conclusion. No explanations or even definitive results are offered, and frankly most audience members will leave frustrated more than they will scared. It’s a bold film, to be sure, it’s just bold in odd ways. Three naked dudes out of five.



- Peace out